The Loss Of That Unconditional Love.


I don't talk about this much, not publicly. Before Evee, I had gotten myself into an incredibly abusive relationship with a sociopath. A true sociopath who will never change. I'd say I have a stronger personality, I get along with, and like women better than men, I'm clearly bad at picking them, and I'm just smarter than what I was the day that I met this man, and I still harbor some shame & guilt for falling under that "spell" because of what it did to my life, to my kids, to my family, to my career.

Things were great in the beginning, and all that. The abuse was ever so subtle. Looking back, man I was so ridiculously naive. Things very slowly got worse but the gaslighting & brainwashing was at it's finest with this one, so I didn't really see it until it was too late. He convinced me that my family was the enemy, that they didn't support me because they had no interest in getting to know him, and for numerous other reasons. I worked from my home, but every time I was on the phone or the computer, I was "talking to another man", and so eventually I stopped working my business and gave it up because I couldn't handle the fighting, the raging jealously.


The emotional abuse was far worse than being thrown with a hand around my neck into the wall or getting punched in the gut so hard I thought my stomach had exploded and couldn't breathe or walk right for days. I'm a very smart woman, but when you're in that "trap", that emotionally brainwashed cycle, it's so hard to let go. It eventually became a sick, twisted game of cat and mouse.


Then eventually, he had took me away from everything that I had, and made me completely dependent on him. I lost a lot throughout that "relationship", or whatever you'd call it. I was in the deepest of depressions, I knew (then) things would never get worse than what they were, and months before I eventually "escaped", I was done being brainwashed, used, abused. I hated him. He made my self-esteem non-existent. Not physically, but that this was the only kind of "love" I was worthy of.


Then I found out I was pregnant. After a bit of shock, it almost felt like God was giving me a second chance, I had some hope, but I knew I had to get away from this man to get that chance. The second attempt was successful, with the help of police and a good friend, I successfully got out of the hell I had gotten myself into, for good.


I got myself into a doctor, and Evee and I were physically fine. I got myself the a whole lot of counseling and therapy for PTSD from a year of severe domestic violence, awful depression, anxiety, my lack of self-esteem, the list goes on. It helped. As I grew, I became happier and more hopeful. I started up working from home again as a virtual freelance assistant, saving money for us. I connected with my amazing family, especially my parents, who have always been there for me. Waiting for me to get back up off my feet, well usually helping me get back up, and saving me.


I don't think many people have parents like I do. They have a deep love for all their children and grandchildren, they'll do anything to help make sure we are all safe, and unique parental instincts. I'm incredibly grateful for them.



Anyway, I couldn't wait for that little girl to come, and August 19th, 2018, she finally did. It was love at first site. Everyone says that, but I was seriously obsessed, protective, proud, all of it, instantly. I took videos of her, couldn't stop taking pictures of her. I kept telling my sister, my mom, everyone around me, isn't she so perfect? Doesn't she look just like a doll?


She never left the room, I didn't sleep much because I was so excited about how perfect she was. That she was finally here. That she was ALL MINE. She latched on and ate like a boss baby right off the bat. It wasn't even "just hormones" because I can close my eyes and remember the excitement, the passion, the high that I felt as soon as she came into this world. It makes me smile to think about, and sob as I type it.



Evee and I had an instant, powerful bond. She rarely left my arms, and I was gone for a couple of hours once day to go to a wrestling match with my dad and my mom watched Evee. Otherwise she was always with me. That's how I wanted it. I craved her. I was a young mom with my first child, Ella, and I definitely got overwhelmed and didn't know what I was doing most of the time, I needed a ton of help from my parents, I got frustrated. Not with Evee. She was not just my priority but my hobby.


I remember the last week of Evee's life pretty well. The Houston Rockets and James Harden were on a bit of a roll. I play DraftKings (haven't had to make a deposit for a few years I'm pretty good at breaking even or better in my $0.25 games, ha!). I remember the early part of the week leading up to her death was easy & happy, as usual. That whole month was. Jesus, the whole 6 1/2 months she was alive was a breeze until her last morning. Lots of "up-the-back" poopy diapers, but it didn't bother me.


Every day there was a new milestone, or so I thought, every mother "sees something" in their babies. We notice every little thing, every little difference. So the day she received her vaccines and the day after, when her brain was being infiltrated by immune cells due to the cytokine storm that was occurring due to the 6 vaccines she had received, and she was shaking her head back and forth constantly, with a "trying to smile" look, I thought she was learning to tell me no!


When her cheeks had turned red and developed that sandpaper like rash that never went away, even after death, she was a bit lethargic, her body was extremely exhausted. It’s actually the cytokines your body produces to fight off the flu or cold that make you feel so tired and lousy. Now, imagine having 100-1000X as many cytokines in a tiny little body. The sandpaper like rash is a textbook reaction to a cytokine storm and the inflammation occurring in the body. So is lethargy. So is tremors and/or difficulty coordinating movements (like the head shaking). Fatigue. This is a good, simple explanation of a cytokine storm. https://www.verywellhealth.com/cytokine-storm-syndrome-4842383

But the mom in me thought all of that was Evee teething.


I remember February 27th, the day Evee got vaccinated. A few hours after the appointment where I received no information, the nurse couldn't even recite all 6 vaccines she was about to give, and she charted the wrong location where the vaccines were given in Evee's chart (they're just so diligent), the rash had started to develop and some increased head shaking had started, along with a bit of lethargy but I still got her to laugh a bit.


The Rockets were playing the Charlotte Hornets, I think? I had James Harden, Clint Capela, AND Kemba Walker in my lineup, they were on a roll and so was my lineup, big scoring game, and I was dancing around the living room and cheering, yelling at the TV, picking up Evee and dancing with her, and she was chuckling at me and smiling, not her big, "from the gut" laugh, no. I never heard that laugh again. But she was having fun. That was the best part, that is the best part about motherhood. We can be ourselves, we can be crazy, we can be a mess, and they still worship us. Rockets won that game, it was close. My lineup won $20-$25 that night! Then Evee & I went to bed together. I played "Sleepy Paws,” and talked to her until she fell asleep.


The next day, February 28th, I cooked an early lunch/dinner. Evee slept most of the day, very needy for her momma which was fine by me. The rash on her cheeks was rough, and warm-hot to touch. I still assumed she was teething. Lots of diarrhea that day. She just didn't feel good, all day long. You could see it. She was trying to muster up that happiness & excitement she had almost every single day, but she couldn't do it.


We watched Tom Hanks movies all day up until the Rockets were going to play that night. She always wanted to eat, solid food time was a treat for her, but she wanted nothing to do with her food that night. She kept shaking her head no, at the time it was so cute and funny, "she's so smart, telling me no & shaking her head!" A dangerous, out of control inflammatory immune system overreaction had been occurring in her little body and looking back, she was just hanging on that day. I just can't believe I thought it was just her teething. Never in my worst nightmare would I have thought my daughter was dying right in front of me and there was nothing I could have done about it. I'm glad I didn't put her down much that day. She really wanted to be held.



Then she fell asleep at my breast, early, and I laid her down. She didn't stir or shake her whole body in surprise when I laid her down, gosh that was so cute when did she did that. Then I went back out & had a pre-mixed drink/wine cooler thing, sat down, and watched the Rcokets win a super close game against mmm, maybe the Memphis Grizzlies or the Miami Heat, I forget. James Harden crushed it that game. Then a few hours after I had laid Evee down, I was sober & tired and I went in the bedroom. Kissed Evee who was still breathing, and I laid down next to her. So ready for the weekend, when we'd get to see her brother & sister.


And that was the end. The end of Evee's life. The end of my second chance, my new beginning, my fairy tale. I guess I had to explain what happened before I get pregnant with Evee, to really describe and stress to you how it was with Evee. How much she meant to me, how important her role in my life was, how important she was in general. I had been given this chance by God to start my life over, and make the right decisions this time. To raise this little girl, who was all mine, all by myself, and to give her a good life, filled with love. So I took that chance and I ran with it.


Evee was a literal blessing, a literal angel & gift from God to me. More importantly, it had been 2 years since I had felt any sort of love, or what I thought was love. I have my family and my other two kids, who I love more than anything, but judgement comes with that, and ex's and their partners shamefully alienating your children from you, and alienating the most precious, natural of things you used to do together, keeping them from you, and making you feel useless, less loved, less wanted or needed, and in turn you don't feel that unconditional love like you used to.


It had been such a long time since anyone had looked at me with no judgement & made me feel like I was the best person in the world. The most beautiful, the smartest, the funniest, the greatest woman, and mother alive. It had been so long since someone needed me, and only me. It had been so long since someone truly wanted me, just for me (well, and my boobs 🤱).


Some people say that "your children shouldn't define who you are", "they are a part of your identity, but you should just evolve from parenting, not be defined by them". Mmm, bullshit. Come on. At any given time, your child can define you, and you can choose when that happens, and when it ends. If we are evolving creatures, creatures of change, then the definition of who we are, changes.


In the 6 1/2 months Evee was alive, she made me feel worthy again. She made me feel whole. She made me feel purely, unconditionally loved. It really helped that it was just her and I. I needed her, and she needed me. She gave me such hope, and motivation. She helped heal me.


She gave me such a purpose in life again, that I thought I had lost, or ruined, or something. And for anyone thinking that your purpose in life shouldn't be your kids, get off my blog because so many mothers feel differently, and she is now literally the foundation to and of what I feel is the true purpose of my life.


So you can imagine, that after a long time of nothing but abuse, hatred, loathing, feelings of worthlessness, no love, anywhere, from anyone, that I have this beautiful, perfect child and for these 6 1/2 incredible, literal life-changing months, with so many thoughts about our future, so much excitement and gratitude, and someone in my life, 24/7, who loved me unconditionally, who needed me all the time, who was grateful in her own way, who never made me feel bad, or sad. For that to just be ripped away from me out of nowhere, especially when I thought, at the time, I was protecting her. For all of that unconditional love, need, the dreams, my child, my second chance, my gift from God, just gone in an instant. The true loss I feel & the pain & the depression & the hopelessness I feel from this, it's just explainable. 💔


She was truly more than just a baby or just a child. She was something seriously special. That's why this has been so extremely hard, not that it's not for everyone else who loses a child. I didn't just lose my baby girl. I lost that unconditional love. The non-judgement. The second chance. My self-esteem. My best friend. My true love (understatement). I truly feel like I had given her most of my heart & soul, and now it's gone. 💔



That is all my fingers can take, or all the crying that this headache that's coming on can take. It will be a weekend of looking at my walls, at all the pictures of her, watching videos, opening her urn, just...mourning. Aside from the fact that I have a deadline of March 1st, to file to the NVICP, so I have to type out, in detail, her death. 😔


In case you haven't heard and you live in Minnesota or close surrounding states and could make it, we are having a large event in front of the Minnesota Capitol on Monday, March 1st, the 2nd year of Evee's passing. A beautiful remembrance from 1-3 PM. We have a permit & police protection. The weather will be very nice that day. Many kids are coming already and they are all welcome! 🎈 I heard there will be a game there for them to play!! 🏏

There will be professionally made, gluten-free, delicious cookies 🍪 (courtesy of Olivia's Organic Cafe, thanks Melanie), coffee, ☕ cocoa, water bottles, free JFE bumper stickers, some small goodies for the kids. 🧸 You can make your own sign and/or for the kids to hold, or if you have a JFE "SIDS" sign from last year's rally, please bring that, otherwise there will be 30 new professionally made signs to hold up, first come first serve! There will be some other banners. Hopefully our favorite doctor can make it! ❤️ Note, you can not bring homemade food to share with everyone, you can only bring food for yourself or your kids. It's a Capitol rule.


There will be music and socializing, a couple brief speakers (myself of course) and obviously, a prayer. Speaking will start around 1:30-1:45. Wherever you are, if you'd like to come and remember Evee with us, please do. You are more than welcome, and I'd greatly appreciate it. I hope we can get a great turnout & spark some attention. It's all about Evee. ❤️



I'm also asking that if you'd like, it would mean a whole lot if you would change your profile picture on social media 🥰 to the picture below that we have chosen for Evee's "online remembrance" pic. I'd really appreciate it!! 👇



Also, a huge thanks to Red State Talk Radio, and the owner, Scott Adams. I was very persistent the past couple months, and weeks especially, about getting that Times Square Billboard up. I was promised a spot, I raised the money, I needed to make sure it happened for all of us, & especially sooner than later because I have a whole lot going on I need to focus on! 🤯 So, very coincidentally, it has been confirmed that our Times Square billboard will be up on Monday morning, the day Evee has been gone for 2 years. Very bittersweet, but no coincidence. I was also offered some other great opportunities from Scott that I will be taking advantage of. 👍


I have been interviewed on Reba LIVE! on https://redstatetalkradio.com/ before but it will be great to be interviewed with the owner, Scott Adams, on his prime time spot along with being able to take advantage some other "gifted" advertising, so that we can target a whole new audience with serious information that is being censored as all heck right now about the injuries/deaths from the Covid-19 (quite possible) lethal injection. I will share the billboard on Monday once it is up and again, thank you to all the donors who made this happen! 🙏



This past Wednesday I was interviewed by Patrick Smith on Anarchast/Disenthrall and it was an excellent interview. It's not a topic that Patrick has ever done before and it also brought up some emotions with him about his daughter, Dagny, who is only 3 and has beaten leukemia. What an incredible little girl!! The interview was great, and I'm so glad that we are getting our stories and the truth out to a variety of different people/communities/movements, etc. 👏 You can watch the interview here: https://youtu.be/d48QJWE7yOA



If you missed "Anarchovid", all the speakers/interviews are available ON DEMAND! My interview is on Day 2, and up first. Check out https://anarchapulco.com/vod/ to see all those speakers!!


Lastly, I'm not sure if you heard but I was kicked off of Facebook for 30 days after defending myself to a "crunchy mother" from Idaho who was implying the NBC article was true and that I played a part in Evee's death. 😞 I WAS KICKED OFF FOR DEFENDING MYSELF. So I am on other social media sites. Most importantly, everyone needs to know that I am being represented by James Mermigis, esq. and am pursuing a libel/defamation lawsuit against NBC. I have already paid a hefty retainer to James, and it's in my contract that if this goes to trial I will need to pay another $25,000 (meaning once we file & NBC's motion to get the case thrown out gets denied & they refuse to settle, I'll need the retainer) for the remainder of the lawsuit. This retainer does not include payments to expert witnesses, to expert testimonies/reports just for the initial complaint, travel expenses, etc.


If you'd like to help out with a small donation or a prayer, you can do so at https://www.givesendgo.com/nbclawsuit and please share, especially if you know of anyone who has the means to financially help much more comfortably, please contact and share this with them. We are definitely looking for larger donations by individuals/companies/families with the means to do so.


Also, one of the women who works for the "GiveSendGo" fundraising site actually called and left me a voicemail, saying she saw my fundraiser for my lawsuit, and "wow", and she "wanted to do a special prayer for me" and so she sure did, right over the phone via voicemail. It was a beautiful prayer. So she must have read Evee's story and been really moved by it OR she's already been on the right team! (which is really just the team of freedom & not allowing the mainstream media to get away with lying about average citizens to try and discredit & cover-up the truth of their story and silence their voice)

Either way, how incredible. 🙏 I've done several fundraisers for others on that site and have never received even a personal email from the company. I shared the voicemail in a personal group of mine. It was just the sweetest. 🥰


Funds can also be donated to www.justiceforevee.org/donate

NO FEE OPTIONS:

VENMO @EveesFund or

send cash/check to:

Justice for Evee

PO Box 545

Howard Lake, MN 55349


Reminder, we still have the medical examiner case coming up as well, that retainer to pay (which how much we don't know yet, we do have some saved and ready) we're just waiting for the medical board's decision on the level of disciplinary action that will be taken against the Dr. A. Quinn Strobl (the medical examiner) before we pursue legal action against the Midwest Medical Examiner's office. Please pray that the board does the right thing!! 🙏 They will be meeting either March 5th or March 28th from the last I heard.


You can contact the Minnesota Medical Board on our behalf and state your opinion & what you feel is an appropriate level of discipline which is the termination or suspension of her license. Their email is Medical.Board@state.mn.us and phone number is 612-617-2130 and you can state that it's in regards to the investigation of Dr. Angelique Quinn Strobl and the Evee Clobes case. Be very polite, but let them know that you along with thousands of other people are watching this and awaiting for the appropriate outcome to take place after Dr. Strobl's negligent, unethical, callous, unprofessional, illegal actions that caused something much bigger to take place, and to extremely harm a living family. That you've seen the proofs, the emails, the things she has said. You know she has done this to other people & other families.


My social media information is:

www.justiceforevee.org you have GOT to sign up for updates under the "Blog" section

Facebook: Catie Clobes (banned for now & will be fading off & using less)

Facebook Organization Page Name: www.facebook.com/vaccinescausesids


***Please pay attention to the pages and posts you are liking, there are at least 5 slander pages just on Facebook, and more on other social media sites, in the JFE name or my personal name. Please do not like them, or their posts. They will send you invites to like their page, look VERY CLOSE at the wording, and block them. Do not engage or stick up for me. You will get heated, they will report you, and you will get a Facebook ban. This is very calculated & intentional.***


Twitter: @justiceforevee

Instagram: @justiceforevee

Telegram: My public channel is t.me/justiceforevee and if you friend me "Catie Clobes" or @justiceforevee, I can add you to the private JFE chat.

Gab: @justiceforevee

MeWe: @justiceforevee

Parler: @justiceforevee


Thank you so much for your love, prayers, good vibes, donations, support. It seriously means everything to me. You are a part of something huge right now with these lawsuits coming up. These wins will be MASSIVE for our ENTIRE community/movement. It's a full time job preparing for them but it will be well worth it. This was God's plan for me and I must follow through with it, no matter how big the task. That's what I have all of you amazing friends & supporters for! God bless you all, and so much love to each and every one of you.



Blessings & Much Love,


Catie (Evee's Mom)


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