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  • Catie Clobes

Happy 2nd Birthday, Evee

Everyone always says to a grieving parent "I'm thinking of you during this tough time" around a birthday or the day they died. You should know, in reality, it is literally always a tough time. Thinking about the wonderful memories I have of her birth and how easy of a baby she was from the start, the 2018 football season with her on my boob and me cheering at the TV, moving into a new place with her, Christmas time with her getting her first "big girl" toys, how cold it was that winter, buying her a new snowsuit and hat and how adorable she looked in it. Watching the Oscars and listening to Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga sing "Shallow" and singing it with them and remembering her stop eating and look up and watch me sing. Every single time I sang to her she stopped and watched me with her glowing eyes, mesmerized. We fostered a cat together, remembering Evee pet her so nicely. She always pet my parents dogs so nicely. She was such a sweet baby girl. So smart, and careful. So quiet and observant. So full of love and such a sense of humor, she'd break out laughing at anything if it had a face attached to it. She had the perfect personality at just 6 1/2 months old, and I will take credit for that because she rarely saw anyone else, played with anyone else, was held by anyone else - but me. All day I thought about who she would be at 2 years old today if she had survived those 6 vaccinations. I don't think she's be sneaky and sassy like her older sister. I think she would be mild-mannered. She would still be breast-feeding, of course. She would be a mommy's girl (obviously) and maybe a little shy around other people. At home with me and her siblings, she would be outgoing and creative. She would like to clean up and help mommy with laundry. She would observe her sister putting her makeup on, her eyes full of curiosity and imagination. She would love our cat, she'd be an animal person, for sure. She would still have a bit of a tuft but her hair had come in, wispy and light brown, just long enough to put in a little pony tail on top of her head. She would listen very well. A wise little girl. But then I think, would she be all those things? If she had somehow survived those vaccinations, there would be brain damage because of what has been found in her brain. Would we be living the perfect life, in a little perfect home, or I be them other to a severely vaccine-injured child? I am better off just leaving my thoughts to those of the real memories we shared together. Evee, you were a part of my everything. I miss everything about you. Every single day. Some day the chest-clenching pain of missing you will subside, but not today. Happy Birthday my darling girl. I love you more than I will ever be able to put into words. 😘




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